A Minor Drought – May 28, 2019 (sticky)

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img_2173However you found me, I’m glad you made the journey.

Hello to my several followers, most of whom seem to be in Eastern Europe. Whoe knew that my appeal would extend out so far, to be picked up by a selft few people. Well when I thought this site would grow organically, I was thinking a little more than this. However, that has never been my intention or my motivation, so I’m not disappointed or excited, I’m just making an observation about it.

I’ve nothing interesting to report, other than you may have noticed a dramatic slowdown in the last few months. I’ve not been terribly motivated to write. That either means my life is going very well, or I am so horribly depressed, I dont have the energy or interest. I’m not sure which yet. I’ll let you know if I figure it out.

At anyrate, I’ll be popping back in and posting more. I need a real gutrenching experience to get me going again. That sounds awful! Such is life.

Welcome again and thank you for taking the time to visit.

http://thesearemydarkestdays.com

 


As I’ve mentioned numerous times before, unless otherwise noted, everything here has been authored by me, and me alone. It belongs to me, and may not be used for any purpose without my permission. Now really, who would even do that right? I know, preaching to an empty room, but there it is.

Regards,

–b

This Girl I Met


Years ago, I met this girl
Before the web, if you buy that
We chatted over cathode-ray tubes
Before YouTube was full of cats

She was just a kid in school
Not me though, I had to work
Still, we found some time to chat
Tried to be cool, couldn’t be a jerk

She was really super cute
She mailed me some awesome pics
No, not that kind, don’t be a perv
She’s a noble kinda chick

I had this crush, I cannot lie
Yet flirting just is not my thing
I’d bite my tongue, and bide my time
This could be more than just a fling

Years went by, we both grew up
Her brains and boobs defied my eyes
This biding time ain’t working yet
I’m sure she’d have her choice of guys

We wrote and talked a lot this time
I flirted poorly, despite my wit
Someday, perhaps, I’d find the strength
Though getting old for all this shit

Jesus, she found, at some point in time
Although lost, I never knew he’d got
Now this and politics, I should not discuss
Or so says today’s school of thought

Our lives moved on, I tried a wife
That lasted a week or so I think
But we kept in touch as best we could
That’s probably when I began to drink

More years still, again I married
Longer yet, but alas, still doomed
Around that time, I got a letter
It said that she would take a groom

Surprised perhaps, having read this far
This girl I write of, I had not yet met
Though her nuptials, I am now sought
Honored, I was, so I hopped a jet

Then lost I became, in some town
I spotted a bar, to come back to
Anxious of what lay ahead of me
Stressed out I was, concerned I’d spew

So awkward it was, yet I headed inside
I met her there after all those years
Now, for her to wed, I wished her luck
Yes, I was thinking about those beers

Hated to say it, but I was ready to go
Though I wanted to hang out with her
But now, this guy was in the way
I guess our time would thus defer

More years passed, I’m on wife three
We’d been chatting so much less
Getting older we were, so weary and gray
Though I still missed her, I must confess

One day I heard, she was back in town
I head out for her, only to find
A home she is in, with other fine folks
Who all seem to have lost their minds

So just my luck, in my old age
That girl I met some years ago
Has no clue now, just who I am
So I smile and wave, and say hello

I sit down and shake my head
Years and years, have I missed her
I wonder who she’d think I was
So I leaned in to at last kiss her

As our lips meet, she springs to life
Stunned am I, knocked off my feet
“No fairytale kiss”, she said to me
“Will resolve this verse to be complete”

“Anything, my love for you,
I beseech you now, to be my spouse”
“That’s well and good”, she calmly said
“You may go forth and paint my house”

Alas, it finally dawned on me
That all along, throughout my life
After three or four, I should have learned
My troubles grew, each time I took a wife

I do so hope you like this tale
It was so much fun to sit and write
Just keep in mind, as you grow old
Don’t live to lament your own hindsight

Betray


How long has it been?
Since the day we first met
Years, I can no longer count
As if always you were there
Trusting you with my soul
While you treat me disdainful
In an instant destroyed
You reveal your betrayal

Now shocked and dismayed
My night crashed into ruin
Tears falling like rain
Amidst years of self doubt
Still I cower and think
Your deep pattern of deceit
So long was I deluded
With your scourge and conceit

Thoughts of you spelled of truth
Now, it’s all turned out false
Like a blade plunged in me
Eviscerated I have become
So many beliefs I did have
Years of knowing held true
Now it’s all gone to rot
Just a few words from you

Thus, I am thankful at least
So close I had become
A mistake I could have made
Being blind in my love
Though destroyed as I am
Much worse could it have been
Flayed by the one I had loved
An irreparable sin

Now fully jaded once more
Trusting no one again
How did this befall me?
Being carefree and calm
Never more to relax
Or taken along for a ride
Access ceases to me now
From this point all denied

So to you I bequeath
These words I write now
Never again shall I see you
Nor evermore will I cite
Erased now you’ve become
Forever torn out of my soul
Torment ends for me now
Never again to be whole

Tell me


I know I should not inquire of this
Yet compelled to ask, to you I plea
The words I crave, to hear from you
I beg of you now, to please
Tell me

It’s all I that I think, I begin to obsess
Your presence here now, is all that I see
Say all the words, you know that I need
Again I beseech, you must
Tell me

I love you, I say it, you know that it’s true
Forever to pledge, I’m down on one knee
I persist to tell you, those very same words
All that I have is for you, now for you to
Tell me

Just simple words they are, so easy to say
Still my reverence to you, my solemn decree
Your voice unto me, it is that which I seek
I cannot surmount, I implore you
Tell me

Unhinged I become, not knowing your mind
Your desire I need, your love is the key
Please come to me, and utter those words
Why can’t you do this? Why won’t you?
Tell me

No words at all, can I get from you now
So here I conclude this abject elegy
With silence screaming, inside my head
No longer shall I submit for you to
Tell me

Text


I check my phone a hundred times
It still has nothing new for me
She doesn’t text, I don’t know why
My discontent a silent plea

The night goes on, and still no change
I check again, I know the score
Enslaved I am, to this device
So back and forth, I pace the floor

A life I’ve traveled across the seas
Yet here I’ve met my greatest foe
Upon the table, this captor of mine
Across the room, I’d love to throw

To old am I, to play this game
A high school boy, inside my head
I wait for that which never comes
Yet should I opt to go to bed?

A moment later, I pace again
Then check the phone’s volume control
Knowing full well it’s turned up loud
I bemoan this night, of which it stole

My distress about this illusory text
Something never could I define
Obsessed I’ve become of this girl
She’ll never know this torment of mine

As it gets late, anxiety peaked
I climb in bed and close my eyes
So tired from the game I played
Quick to sleep, it’s no surprise

Now down the hall, across the room
Phone on the table, the volume on high
A banner lights across the screen
Her text comes in, “you out there Bri?”

Time

The clock on the wall reveals the impending divide
What started with days, has been whittled to minutes
When first their eyes engaged, time was far from their minds
Now feelings devolve, as if pushed to their limits

A life time to be lived, in a few short days
A thousand miles were journeyed, since they had just met
From adolescence to adulthood, they’ll mature in this time
And every moment to come, they will never forget

Two souls utterly different yet exquisitely close
Born lifetimes apart, but for this moment united
Permitted briefly, the angels, have allowed this to be
So these hearts, as new stars become sublimely ignited

Life in essence on pause, as they burn bright and hot
This pair is but one while their moment lays open
Worlds so different they travel, heretofore fiercely aligned
The time had finally arrived, years of dreaming and hoping

So much yet to learn, though no interest in creed
A consensus unlikely, and no value to gain
Time spent searching and exploring, baring all truths
Taking in all of the other, never once to complain

Simple pleasures in life taking on greater import
Just to stroll and hold hands, is a cogent force
Things taken for granted, much more relevant now
All contact essential as they follow this course

So familiar they are, and still as awkward as teens
Knowing the other for ages, yet each touch so new
Lips meet as they never had, hearts pounding in tune
Every movement connecting, never once a miscue

But for the clock on the wall, ticking mercilessly on
This fairy tale unfolding, meets boundaries inert
Ignoring this finality, they delay what must come
Knowing the wounds in store, profoundly shall hurt

Though the time it is fleeting, exhausted it is not
The two consumed in each other, hardly pausing for air
Interwoven are they, not a care for the world
This moment in time, nothing ever could compare

In this brief moment, a new love thus far blooms
A passion different in nature than what they had known
What took years to build, a love complex and deep
Swiftly eclipsed by that newly nurtured and grown

Eyes fixed on each other, as if connected some way
This deep soulful gazing into each other’s core
Their bond so powerful now, nothing could rend them asunder
Yet for as strong as this grasp, the only want is for more

The clock on the wall, thus now taunting the pair
For no matter what binds, time unwavered to subversion
This invisible force transcends all that’s been wrought
To reduce this elegant ballad, to a minor excursion

So to give in, they must, for this battle best forfeit
Keep time as an ally, as someday again they shall meet
Release though, they must, the atomic hold that compels them
This is an endless struggle, thus a fait accompli

For what was never considered is upon them right now
No more stealing away cherished moments at night
Yet with eyes full of tears, the two do venture out
The tour waiting, and looming, before they took flight

Now the clock lay in ruins, twisted and broken, it’s forsaken
Long departed are the pair, from this perverse invigilator
Though it dictated the cadence, and concluded the event
They escape into the night only to divide moments later

The only thoughts now between them, future events unabated
The two prepare to embark, their worlds start to cleave free
Ripped apart they’ve become, tumbling endless in space
Now the wait to endure, is the deepest of seas

Sparrow



Agile and fast, she darts through the hollow
Singing her song, as only this small bird can do
Her nest quite secluded, beneath the thick hedgerows
Made of intricate weaves of grasses and fescue

Resilient is she, as humanity invades
The hedgerow soon yields to bridge underpasses
The hollow is thus razed for miles of tarmac
No mercy for those that don’t yield to the masses

Though she has done well, existing only in nature
A new survival she must learn, amidst the busses and cars
Her quiet home soon vanquished to a motorway exit
Smog and congestion now obscures a sky once full of stars

So small and unassuming, a new target she’d become
There are predators now, with sharp teeth and claws
One swipe, talons bared, could scuttle this bird
Just to survive the day staying out of the lions jaws

Now the hollow long gone, laid bare by this roadway
An endless stream of traffic, enter and exit past her
What once thrived with starling, thrush, and the swallow
Only this one little bird is left seeking succour

Though this one she is, so much stronger than most
A will to prevail, and escape this cold world
Despite being half starved, and physically damaged
She thus takes to the skies, her new path unfurled

Mile upon mile, she journeys further and further
Grassy meadows yield to plains, then green rolling hills
As the horizon grows higher and higher further still
This surviver treks on, despite her ruinous quills

Then just as she seems to abandon her task
The mountains give way to a valley below
This lush oasis renews her with purpose and vigor
She sets sight on this scene, to branches of willow

Now far from her torment, she builds a small nest
Then lays down, and in moments, is deep in a slumber
This bird that’s half dead now, will be sleeping for days
So close that she was from being torn asunder

When she finally wakes her plumage is recovering well
The dark gloom has departed for a clear azure sky
Around her this forest lay green and unspoiled
A new life ahead, but for her painful goodbye

In the forest today, a gentle breeze sways the foliage
The sun peaking through the thick canopy over head
Darting in and out of the trees, you can hear Sparrow’s song
A lifetime away now, of the broken past she had fled