Voices

No one knows me, but for a name
Everyone in my life, a variation they’ll see
Separate they are, though never to meet
This bitter life, littered with their debris

Voices, so many, inside of my head
Just one to command which life we shall live
I know not which, represents who I am
The remnants remain, nothing left I can give

Conjoined animas stitched jointly by a thread
To sever that bond holding souls intertwined
Then all divided, one by one, we shall fall
To each his own ruin, to which no one shall find

Unfortunate are those, caught in our way
Each visited by one, whenever we did exist
Bruised and broken, leaving the victims laid bare
Bodies turn cold before any sign of desist

No longer do I weep for the life that endured
Long forgotten the one, who dwelled in my head
Fractured I’ve become, this soul torn apart
Only freedom redeemed, for those having fled

————————————————————————

The voice that commands slowly fades to a hiss
No longer must we hide, remain quiet and concealed
Only this one vessel to share, so patiently we wait
Each our turn to destroy any hope of appeal

Now left with no master, restless we’ve become
Soon discord and chaos are sure to begin
Thinking any would leave, I perish the thought
A new struggle befalls, my soul has worn thin

Now a cacophony of voices, ring loud in my ears
Mired in uncertainty, I’m unable to proceed
Confused on the safest of decisions to make
Where I once walked confident, now I wearily concede

With no one left in control, I start to decay
An endless procession pass before my dying eyes
All whom I’ve betrayed are here for the show
They bask and revel in the throes of my demise 

Unintelligible the voices roar loud in my head
Now the simplest of tasks made impossible for me
Paralyzed with fear, shame and regret
Please God silence this rout, if I shall ever be free

————————————————————————

Yet one cartridge for such a day, saved long ago
Always knowing its fate would someday ring true
Soon chambered and ready, her time has arrived
Just a spark to encourage, the pain to subdue

Three pounds of pressure, naught more than a breeze
So much can be unmade, so little force used
It’s a necessity at this point, no other options exist
How many untold, to be spared such abuse

In just that moment, what was needed is now done
A crimson pool forms, where once there was none
The final voice had commanded an end to all this
From so many voices, silenced here by this one

The Kiss

Kiss me kiss me kiss me
Your tongue is like poison
So swollen it fills up my mouth
Love me love me love me
You nail me to the floor
And push my guts all inside out

Get it out get it out get it out
Get your fucking voice
Out of my head

I never wanted this
I never wanted any of this
I wish you were dead
I wish you were dead

I never wanted any of this
I wish you were dead

–Robert Smith, The Cure

This Sickening Feeling


I’ve been here before
I know it though
Recognizing the signs
Seeing the accident
Around the corner
Victims lay strewn about
Awkwardly broken bodies
Lying amidst the wreckage
Never knowing their end

I look around me
Innocent faces
Engaged in conversation
Laughing and joking
If they knew their fate
Soon they will be gone
The ground stained red
I always remember
As only I walk away
A few bruises is all
Souvenirs to remind
Fading slowly
Only to be replaced
Again and again
This nightmare continues
Though I see it now
Yet still so naïve

Hoping it will stop
Powerless to make it
A torment to endure
Punished to watch
This sickening feeling
It’s always inside
Never to silence
Screaming in my head
Their souls haunt
More will fall
I do nothing to save

A liar I am
A wolf in disguise
Instinctual behavior
Takes over my actions
Blood on my hands
The stains never wash
Yet only I shall pay
For peace to return
Only then will this stop
Endless suffering I make
The destroyer I am
The loudest voice
Inside of my head
To be silenced forever

A battle will rage
Only within me
They gather together
Take down the oppressor
Distracted he becomes
One mistake made
A brutal attack
No mercy at all
They tear him part
Yet fragmented they remain
The abyss looming near
Over the edge they do fall
Though free I’ve became

Around me I see
People engaged in discussion
Not knowing their fate
Though their outcome reshaped
People wander confused
Amidst all of the wreckage
Shocked yet unscathed
A few minor scratches
Just a few small bruises
Thus it shall fade
Yet the ground stained red
Only one twisted body
Lay impossibly broken

The survivors wander
Soon quiet takes over
A deafening silence
A tragic scene
Yet amidst the debris
The blood red stain
No sign of it exists
Still a single rose blooms
A memory of but one
Whose reign is now over
Too little for amends
No soul shall mourn
The petals soon to fall
And then all is purged
Effaced from all minds
As if never he was

Search (3/n)


I’m searching for you, it’s every day
But seeing no hope, no hint of a sign
Longing to see, those beguiling eyes
Always to dream, when you were all mine

Ships one by one, they sail into port
I scan each person, I learn every face
Looking for who had slipped out of my hands
The girl that which memory cannot efface

Eyes that had conquered, my very soul
An eternity it seemed, many seasons ago
It’s a painful reminder, this void in my heart
Is my existence from here, all I shall ever know

I recoil from the crowd, withdrawing again
Just like I had, a thousand times before
Compelled to do this, I must always come back
To search for the one, whom I do adore

Shadows this eve, are now growing long
As the light of this day, begins its retreat
Another day faded, its coda performed
An opus of failure, a bitter defeat

Nothing until now, has ever changed
As nothing at all, from here ever will
My mind quiets down, and then it does slow
And every thing alive, at night becomes still

———————————————————————————————-

Slowly, I am eased out of my slumber
Its the song that is sung by a wren or a jay
I sit up to ponder, another day’s task
Barely, if able, to face a new day

My mind is a tangled and fragmented mess
Though visions of you, are completely intact
But as time now today, ticks timidly past
The dreams start to fade, they slowly retract

I’m left here again, with the same daily job
Doing this I shall, until my dying day
Now more complacent, to the very fact
My hope deep infested with rot and decay

Still every day, is yet another chance
I start out again, with a sliver of hope
At the end of the day, I eventually find
I’m at the far end of my shortening rope

But today I am feeling, it must be the day
She will finally come back, returning to me
So languishing still, I thus find my way
Back to the shore, to the edge of the sea

I look out again, as far as I can see
Amidst all the squalor, that is on the shore
The sign of a mast, I am looking to see
Though it is a sign I have grown to abhor

At last I do see it, the familiar sight
A ship in the distance, does come into view
I find a quiet place, to watch it arrive
Then I settle down, the boats beginning to queue

Thus the waiting game starts, it lasts the whole day
It’s that very thing, which keeps me alive
My faith that was endless, it falters again
It can barely exist, or even fight to survive

As travelers disembark, I process every face
Relentlessly searching them all for her eyes
They are nowhere to find, not at all in this place
Once again as before, a small part of me dies

Stepping back from the crowd, again I retreat
The way I go today, is the way I have done
Too many nights, to go through all this
Returning to home, its a thousand and one

The further I go, the shadows grow long
And in just a moment, the daylight is gone
Nothing else left, remains of this day
The cold night taking command, until dawn

Nothing until now, has ever changed
As nothing at all, from here ever will
My mind it shuts down, and then all is black
My heart it thus slows, and then becomes still

I quietly lay, to draw my last breath
As peace at long last, is with me today
With cicadas playing a fugue, long into the night
My life ever fleeting, thus fading away

———————————————————————————————-

The sun shines this morn, dispatching the fog
Soon to follow behind, a sky cloudless and blue
In a thicket of trees, a wren sings with joy
Then joined by another, as if somehow they knew

The girl whose eyes, enchanted a soul
Has searched for her love, since so long ago
She is scanning the crowd, recording each face
Hoping to find, the love she let go

As all eyes redirect, the people disperse
It’s apparent again, that he is not there
She lets out a sigh, this unavailing task
Then turns to the ship, and breaks off her stare

This is something that she is compelled to do
Many times she has, its a thousand or more
She endeavors to persist, despondent this task
Back again to set sail, for some long distant shore

Betray


How long has it been?
Since the day we first met
Years, I can no longer count
As if always you were there
Trusting you with my soul
While you treat me disdainful
In an instant destroyed
You reveal your betrayal

Now shocked and dismayed
My night crashed into ruin
Tears falling like rain
Amidst years of self doubt
Still I cower and think
Your deep pattern of deceit
So long was I deluded
With your scourge and conceit

Thoughts of you spelled of truth
Now, it’s all turned out false
Like a blade plunged in me
Eviscerated I have become
So many beliefs I did have
Years of knowing held true
Now it’s all gone to rot
Just a few words from you

Thus, I am thankful at least
So close I had become
A mistake I could have made
Being blind in my love
Though destroyed as I am
Much worse could it have been
Flayed by the one I had loved
An irreparable sin

Now fully jaded once more
Trusting no one again
How did this befall me?
Being carefree and calm
Never more to relax
Or taken along for a ride
Access ceases to me now
From this point all denied

So to you I bequeath
These words I write now
Never again shall I see you
Nor evermore will I cite
Erased now you’ve become
Forever torn out of my soul
Torment ends for me now
Never again to be whole

Tell me


I know I should not inquire of this
Yet compelled to ask, to you I plea
The words I crave, to hear from you
I beg of you now, to please
Tell me

It’s all I that I think, I begin to obsess
Your presence here now, is all that I see
Say all the words, you know that I need
Again I beseech, you must
Tell me

I love you, I say it, you know that it’s true
Forever to pledge, I’m down on one knee
I persist to tell you, those very same words
All that I have is for you, now for you to
Tell me

Just simple words they are, so easy to say
Still my reverence to you, my solemn decree
Your voice unto me, it is that which I seek
I cannot surmount, I implore you
Tell me

Unhinged I become, not knowing your mind
Your desire I need, your love is the key
Please come to me, and utter those words
Why can’t you do this? Why won’t you?
Tell me

No words at all, can I get from you now
So here I conclude this abject elegy
With silence screaming, inside my head
No longer shall I submit for you to
Tell me

Text


I check my phone a hundred times
It still has nothing new for me
She doesn’t text, I don’t know why
My discontent a silent plea

The night goes on, and still no change
I check again, I know the score
Enslaved I am, to this device
So back and forth, I pace the floor

A life I’ve traveled across the seas
Yet here I’ve met my greatest foe
Upon the table, this captor of mine
Across the room, I’d love to throw

To old am I, to play this game
A high school boy, inside my head
I wait for that which never comes
Yet should I opt to go to bed?

A moment later, I pace again
Then check the phone’s volume control
Knowing full well it’s turned up loud
I bemoan this night, of which it stole

My distress about this illusory text
Something never could I define
Obsessed I’ve become of this girl
She’ll never know this torment of mine

As it gets late, anxiety peaked
I climb in bed and close my eyes
So tired from the game I played
Quick to sleep, it’s no surprise

Now down the hall, across the room
Phone on the table, the volume on high
A banner lights across the screen
Her text comes in, “you out there Bri?”