First

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So young was I when first we would meet
And young too was she, as she entered my life
New feelings are flowing, things like never before
So quick we are to live on the edge of a knife

I’ve transformed so much, in ways I could never convey
For before I met her, my desires concerned only me
Such an evolution was this, for I’ve adapted my ways
Never again to be the same, my first true love was she

To me, I was learned, beyond all of my years
The world, I now contain in the palm of my hand
No danger would beset me, so very strong was I
The world we would rule, right from this heartland

———————————————————————————————-

So many things we would do, and the places we’d go
With her I did believe nothing could befall me
So mature I have become, in such a very short time
My power to conquer the world, and to fall on one knee

As there was no one before, no one after there shall be
I have made up my mind that my course has been set
So confident I have become, and so fixed in my ways
Life decrees without second thought, and without one regret

Oh so young I was, still a lifetime ahead
The control I believed I did have, would soon slowly decay
For I would not see a storm coming, my vision obscured
My confidence beaming inside, surely was soon to betray

———————————————————————————————-

So portentous and boorish thus I had become
The only person for her, that could only be me
Invincible I am now, not a wound I will take
It is a complete perfection, that I verily decree

Through an intoxicated haze, I succumb to this wave
Long to forget what it was with her, that I once first felt
A trail of bodies behind me, I do stumble ahead
The deck running so thin of the cards I’d been dealt

Then one morning I awoke, and gazed through bleary eyes
The sheets torn to shreds, blood soaked, all around me
Skin cut deep to the veins, where’s that bottle I’d drunk?
A thousand pieces of glass, a pile of bloody debris

———————————————————————————————-

How long was she gone? I know so little this morn
From the shattered bottles around, a good week I would say
It would be several days, as I tend to my wounds
Then another few more, as I sit in dismay

Weeks would pass by till I could get through a day
While I look for any answer on just how it turned bad
So much I thought I had known, oh, but how wrong I was
Now every day after day is just dismal and sad

I would go on from here, looking for what I once had
Making mistakes all the way, with despair in my wake
Leaving all too many souls bruised and broken behind
Barely wanting to give, always quick on the take

———————————————————————————————-

One day I’d finally slow down, just enough to take note
That girl so long ago was still deep in my heart
To look, I have not, but I could find her should I try
Yet I’d resigned long ago, forever we’d be apart

So many years have passed now as I look back to those days
Beyond a fool I had been, and playing games with our lives
Yet the thoughts always drift back to when we were one
We noticed not if night came, nor if day would arrive

With our lives out before us, we could care not of it all
As if we knew our time together on this earth should be fleeting
Never to notice of people or places all around us
Or knowing that what lies ahead is defeating

———————————————————————————————-

Then a note arrives one day, quite unexpected it was
In an instant the memories will wash over me
Just like that I am transported back into that time
This picture of her, and my spirit is set free

So much of my life, so many lives I have scorned
But for one young girl whose love I never have matched
She is the first in my heart, and never to be eclipsed
Who I thought truly long gone, she was always attached

Tonight I feel like the young boy, from ages ago
Who felt giddy and nervous and all but complete
To engage with her now, that a lifetime passed by
Though so young was she when first we would meet

1 thought on “First

  1. Unlike “Tonight”, this was more of a proactive destruction, yet both of them end pretty much the same way. I think my mood was considerably more raw at the time I was writing this. That has a lot to do with it, clearly. I think I write better when I’m really wracked with emotion. I was clearly a lot more “chill” when writing “Tonight”. And somewhat freezing when I wrote “Cold” (see what I did there?) Maybe these are taking on a too realistic tone? I do try every now and again to write something up beat, but it just always sounds forced. The exception is “Singer”, which I really wanted focus on her, all the while still pulling in the personal drama of the observer. Ok, this started out as a commentary on “Tonight”, maybe I need to revisit the others and see how I still feel about them.

    Like

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